“Imagine all the people living in peace. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will be as one.”
-John Lennon
Just a wistful thought. It seems we’re further away from the idealistic words in John Lennon’s song than ever. It was 1971, a time marked by controversies over the Vietnam War, the Pentagon Papers, Nixon, and busing for desegregation.
It was also the opening of Disney World, the release of the first microprocessor by Intel, and the introduction of the first arcade video game. The first email was sent, and the @ sign was first used in an address.
I suppose, in these past 50+ years, we haven’t come very far toward that world of peace John Lennon envisioned…and in other ways, changes have snowballed.
We seem to be more focused on differences than ever, and our similarities seem to have blurred into the fog. Assumptions are made, people are judged, discriminated against, and dehumanized. Blind focus on differences leads to divisiveness, suspicion, fear, hatred, war, violence, and disrespect. Differences can enrich us or destroy us…two sides of a coin.
I’ve spent years helping people navigate cultural differences and avoid cultural mistakes and offenses. I’ve traveled and lived in countries around the world. I do see the differences, and I know the value of understanding them and embracing them. But actually, the similarities, some pretty basic ones—are what bind us and connect us.
This was so evident to me on a recent trip to Turkey: Turks are proud of their culture and language and were amazingly patient to teach me—and let me practice repeatedly—some phrases in their language. Most of us like assuming the role of “teacher” or “guide” to newcomers. As I was leaving a pastry shop, a server with limited English looked at me and loudly exclaimed, in a seemingly direct New Jersey manner! “You will be back!” Laughter erupted—and that, too, connects us all—as well as genuine hospitality.
With a focus on differences, which can lead to discrimination, prejudgments, and misinformation, we sometimes neglect or completely forget what we have in common—our shared humanity…our common thread of love, loss, purpose, belonging, and so much of life…But for those who scoff at that, alas, there was an interesting study.
One of the core beliefs of discrimination is that people who are different from you experience life differently and react differently. Research from Daniel Lee of UC Riverside has shown that this is not true—that people around the world have more in common than they have differences. In a paper published in the Journal of Personality, he said that “even though individuals in the same country have more similar experiences than those in different countries, the differences are barely noticeable. The world is a much more similar and unified place than we once thought.”
With researchers from across the globe, the study included a remarkable 62 countries and examined everyday situations to determine whether people worldwide experience life in the same way or differently. Were their feelings and emotions the same or vastly different? The experiences were diverse, ranging from simple to more complex, and in the end, the differences were small, offering hope that people could develop a greater sense of global community and understanding.
We really are very much the same. Strip away the politics, the assumptions, the stereotypes, our colors, our countries. Years ago, the Human Genome Project discovered that all humans share 99.9% genetic identity at the base-pair level—the fundamental building blocks of DNA. Additionally, a group of statisticians has shown that all people living today share common ancestors. We’re all family. Is that how we treat each other?
I just saw a note in a drive-thru window that asks customers: “Please be kind. Our employees are doing their best.” What happened that we have to tell people to be kind, to be nice, that so many people have become defensive, angry, entitled, intolerant, and mean to each other? I’m baffled.
May people be kind to you and focus on all the good you do and appreciate your shared humanity. To quote a line in a song: “I could be you; you could be me. Two raindrops in the same sea…”